The Nature of Trust

The echoes of thoughts come back to me from days, weeks, months ago. My head knows words spit in anger are not to be trusted, that the source of bitterness from others is mostly always a misunderstanding, but my heart still carries the burden and hangs a shadow over my eyes. What secrets and jealousies lurk under the smile of an acquaintance, what derision and self-importance? Broken trust in even one you took in confidence means loss of trust in the world.

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Hope

The winds will blow warm again and the sun cast long shadows. This winter is not eternal. Do not let it sap you of hope or honor, tenderness of heart, or the forgiveness that can undo all the wickedness you have done. Scorch the earth, or salt the soil of your soul. Wither it and despise it, but know it can be healed. For the spring is coming again, and when you believe in it, it shall come.

Ancestor

On moonlit nights I stare into the dark and the stars I cannot see in the city and wonder about the woman, who so long ago, was my ancestor. Did she stare at those stars in the countryside of Canton and find them hopeful, or mocking of her life, pulled low by poverty and disease, by a family broken into pieces too jagged and shattered to shift and put together again? I have tried to put those pieces so they are whole, pressed my thumb against the jagged edges praying to blunt their sharpness, but my fingers bleed in erose tragedy. The voices around me mock my ineptitude, my sorrow, and my thoughts. But I think of that woman of long ago and wonder if she would have understood me. I think of that woman sitting below that vastness of space and think of the peace coming to her – as she realizes that she is but a small piece of tapestry in a greater world full of joyous things – and for a while, I too, believe.

No More Going to the Movies

Due to budgeting constraints (a.k.a. I am poor) I’ve mostly given up watching movies in theaters, which is pretty disastrous. I love going to movies alone, sinking into another word, the way one can do with a book. It’s a lot easier with a film however, mostly because you don’t need to jog your imagination or read backwards if you’re slogging through a series and forgot this plot thread, or that character a la George R.R. Martin‘s “A Song of Fire and Ice.” Plus, if you get yourself into a good movie, you’ll get a neatly wrapped story in two hours or less instead of maybe sitting through a serial drama or condemning the sci-fi gods for canceling “Firefly.”

There’s a smorgasbord of pros to movie watching, but if you’re tired of shelling out money to go do it (like me), you’ve got to remind yourself of the OTHER cons. Here are a few, in case you wake up craving popcorn and those horrible 3D glasses that give you headache: