Dear God

If I go MIA, you know why.
EDIT: Thank you for all your comments of support. I’ve decided to try not to panic until there is a firm diagnosis. In the meanwhile, I’m going to live life normally while spending more time with my mother.
EDIT2: Diagnosis confirmed positive.

I want to go back five years ago.
When I was still in the middle of a decade.
When my paternal grandparents were still living independently at home.
When my maternal grandma was helping raise another batch of grandkids, instead of sleeping beneath the ground.
When my mother could walk across bridges and her eyes were bright knowing her kids were growing up and she could hold up a full teapot with one hand.
But I live right now, where a doctor says she might have Parkinson’s.
And I don’t want to believe it, but things start making sense.

God, I’m not ready to go it alone.
Please don’t do this. Don’t make it true.
She’s lived her whole life for her family and her husband.
She deserves to live the rest of it happy and healthy.

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