Due to budgeting constraints (a.k.a. I am poor) I’ve mostly given up watching movies in theaters, which is pretty disastrous. I love going to movies alone, sinking into another word, the way one can do with a book. It’s a lot easier with a film however, mostly because you don’t need to jog your imagination or read backwards if you’re slogging through a series and forgot this plot thread, or that character a la George R.R. Martin‘s “A Song of Fire and Ice.” Plus, if you get yourself into a good movie, you’ll get a neatly wrapped story in two hours or less instead of maybe sitting through a serial drama or condemning the sci-fi gods for canceling “Firefly.”
There’s a smorgasbord of pros to movie watching, but if you’re tired of shelling out money to go do it (like me), you’ve got to remind yourself of the OTHER cons. Here are a few, in case you wake up craving popcorn and those horrible 3D glasses that give you headache:
1. The movie is so horrible, you feel like you’ve been lobotomized in the aftermath.
Of course, you could always lower your expectations (not everything is going to be Oscar nomination material, or you know, even have a coherent beginning, middle, and end) but why not be artsy and stuck up, complain about it, and go see a student film for cheap instead? You can practice being snooty and look down on the plebeians at the same time. Hell, you could go on YouTube and see a few shorts for free.
2. You’ve seen the movie, like a dozen times.
The girl who walks into the room alone stupidly, even though you know the murderer’s going to off her. Nerdy Peter Parker who becomes a smug web-shooter in 2002, 2012, and probably 2022, ad finitum. The snow-white princess who gets chased into the woods because her step mother is a vain cold bitch and Grimm is so ancient, copyright laws no longer need apply…If all this is new to you, I suggest you go visit the local library or hit up the comic store.
3. The talking.
Maybe you like to actually pay attention to a movie the first time around, but those “The Avengers” fanatics, who’ve seen the movie a bazillion times, keep interrupting your movie time with quips that you find as about interesting as watching paint dry. Or maybe you stumbled into what must be surrogate daycare when you decide to view a Disney flick at matinee time; you’ve always abhorred kids and there’s no reason to put up with crying and whining if they’re not your own.
There you have it, perfectly sound excuses to avoid the theater. I’m not completely sold on them either, because hey, I’ve known all these things before going to the theater and they hadn’t stopped me before. Just remember though, that your wallet will ultimately thank you, and that’s what actually matters.